When Zoey and I are in the car and she lets me know that she doesn't want to be in the car and keeps letting me know, despite the fact that we aren't to our destination and I've given her everything I can think of to distract her, Monster mom comes out. Those car rides with an unhappy baby make me more than an unpleasant mommy, and do so faster than anything else. It just pushes the rapid anger release button in me to hear her scream because she doesn't like to be confined and wants out of her car seat. We both end up frustrated and I usually end up owing my sweet thing an apology and feeling grateful I didn't cause an accident with my somewhat more frantic than usual driving.
After consulting with a wise sister, I've started playing more music (instead of NPR, sad for me), and put a mirror up in front of Zoey's seat so she can make faces at herself. Both have helped a little. This is why I love other moms. I love knowing there are people who have been through what I'm going through (or are in it now) and have knowledge to pass along. A friend recently started a blog project, and then re-imagined it, to address issues of mothering small children. I love her honesty and that I'm not going to have to read all 51 parenting books she recently ordered. Instead, I'll just read her blog. I am also a part of a learning circle with this same friend and many other inspiring mothers under the umbrella group The Power of Moms. As someone recently explained it, it's like a book club, except there is an essay instead of a book and everything is about some aspect of mothering.
Yesterday, while changing Zoey's poopy diaper and having to wrestle her (another of my quick to react buttons) I could feel myself getting angry and remembered what one diligent mom said at our first learning circle and used her method. Instead of getting angry with Zoey I tickled her--a zerbert really. She calmed down right away and her laugh brought me down a notch or two. Crisis averted. Monster Mom never didn't come out of her cave that time. I'm looking forward to our discussion tonight!
I feel so lucky to have many examples of great moms and mothering around me. I may not have the whole thing figured out, but having these resources certainly helps me navigate the crazy adventure of parenting.
3 comments:
Yeah! Your post reminded me that a few years ago my kids were watching The Cosby Show on Nick at Night almost daily. I took a lesson from the Huxtables and started trying to make things funny instead of getting mad and upset. It worked! Things were MUCH happier around the house AND we still were able to have good discussions without everyone being mean and angry. I need to try that again- much more fun and still effective.
I feel so lucky to have your wonderful example too, Laura. Thanks for hosting last night. I learned so much!!
I'll have to remember the zerbert. I've been having to put her diaper on while she stands up. Kills me.
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