Sure, I'm concerned about how I'm going to parent a second child. Add trying to manage work and finishing a dissertation on top of that and if I think about it long enough I just might hyperventilate. But, in my heart of hearts the crazy part of me isn't the part that is having another child. The crazy part is the one in school (going on 7 years of grad school now, if you include Columbia) and feeling like I'm making slow--very slow-- progress on that blasted dissertation.
So the other day I read an interview on the Mormon Women Project, which in general I love. I usually feel so uplifted reading about other women's experiences and testimonies. They highlight LDS women from all over the world and I've read some very honest and amazing stories. This recent entry, "The Mind of a Mother," however, made me feel badly for choosing to stay in school. I thought that somehow I'm shirking my motherly responsibilities if I continue to pursue my degree. That I'm making the wrong choice for myself, my kids, and my husband by finishing what I've started.
I completely respect women (and men) who sacrifice their careers, their hobbies, *some* of their ambitions in order to spend more time with family. In fact, I applaud those decisions. This might sound convoluted, but perhaps if my PhD were easier, I'd feel better about not finishing it. But, if I were to quit now it wouldn't be to spend more time with my family, to not have Zoey in daycare two days a week, and be a full-time stay home mom, instead of a part-time working mom. If I quit now it would be because it is hard. And I don't quit hard things. I'm not wired that way. I'd feel too badly about myself, knowing that I just gave up. I hope that selfish reason doesn't make me a worse mom. In fact, I hope I'm able to say someday to my children that it was really difficult and trying and taxing, but I finished. I tried my best to manage priorities and keep family above everything else and I earned the degree. It might not be the choice that other LDS women, or women in general make, but it is the right one for me for now.
4 comments:
You are a fabulous mother. Don't second guess yourself. Leaving Zoey in daycare will not hurt her. I think you are making the right decision for YOU and for NOW. Hear, hear, for educated women....it will only make you a better wife, mother, daughter and friend.
you can't see me but i am standing up and applauding your post. :) i think that those choices must be some of the hardest. as long as your child knows she is loved, nurtured and protected than you're doing a fantastic job. i know zoey feels all those things and more!
It's your decision, and yours alone. You've come so far, and if you were to not finish, I believe you would have regrets later. You're an excellent mother and little miss Zoe is healthy, happy and well loved by all. You can do it, Laura!! We're all cheering for you!
I think you're doing awesome! And there are many days that I wish I hadn't quit my graduate work, I can't look back or change it, and I'm happy with where I'm at, but if you think you'd regret it at all, I'm sure you're right. I personally can't wait to read your dissertation.
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